All For Him
by FF2400
Summary: She loves her but she loves him and he loves her too – will this cycle ever end? "My silence is another word for my pain." – Scarlet.
1. How's Life?

**Disclaimer(s): K-On! rightfully belongs to Kakifly** **© Alternate Universe.**

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 **Part 1: How's Life?  
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Ritsu's POV

"Thanks," I thanked the receptionist as soon as she gives me admission to his room – _I still can't believe it_. It honestly had been five years ever since we met head on and even if we had bad blood, I managed to find it in myself to forgive him, to give them my blessings. "Mio?" I was greeted by his ailing voice which always sounded so cheerful back then.

"No, it's me," I countered and he gently opened his eyes, smiled all the time as he did so, even more when his pensive eyes found mine. He then grappled the handle in order to prop himself before I could even stop his recklessness. "You shouldn't get up or else, Mio would sue me for sure," I scolded him straightway and he let out quiet chuckles – _it's sad_.

"I'm sorry I didn't come back sooner," I confessed once his chuckles subsided but he simply raised his left hand, then waved it aimlessly. "You're busy, right? I get it," he comforted me and although I did not say it out loud I bet he already knew it well – the real reason why I cut ties with them soon after I left Japan. It plagued me in doing so, now above all.

"How did it happen?" I asked in a while and his eyes darted to his permanently paralysed torso at the same time a few seconds before they settled on mine. "I took a wrong turn," he stated shortly as I watched him – the wires were all over him, piercing him mercilessly, while the cardiograph transmitted the intensity of his heart's movements. _It saddens me_.

"It took me months but then I somehow put them out of my mind – those stupid hows and whys," he figured in between coughs as I shifted my gaze elsewhere – _how do I focus on him when we both know that he's dying? I feel like crying._ "How's life? Did you finally find anyone to spend your life with? " he teased as he laughed curtly while I faked a smile.

"I stopped searching a long time ago. I just want to concentrate on my career," I answered almost immediately and he nodded every so often. Still, I could tell that he only wished to direct the matter on me instead. "You're truly a Tainaka, after all. I used to doubt it sometimes," he concluded with his trademark smirk as I chuckled silently for the meantime.

"By the way, what about you? Did you two have a kid or two?" I asked while I helped to peel some apples for him as he seemed preoccupied for a moment, then I looked up soon enough to come across his guilty face. "It befell me one day before the wedding, Ritsu, I called it off at once," he settled in a low voice and I quickly narrowed my eyes at him.

"You waited two whole years until you finall–" I was about to lash him out the moment someone walked on our fairly heated argument and I drove my eyes to the entry simultaneously – my heart naturally beat faster once I drew in her appearance but it was nothing new. In a short time, I looked away, as if I was not awestricken by her presence at all.

"Hey, Mio, she's back," he pointed out the obvious on impulse as he eyed us, with that typical frustrating smile of his. She bowed a little for the moment and I returned her gesture right away while she moved forward to give me a small hug – a show I believed she did out of courtesy. "It must've been a long flight, Ritsu, I thank you for dropping by," her tone somehow disheartened my being.

"I got your favourite books," Mio let me go in no time and she then made steps towards him whereas I was still shaken by her tone of voice – _it never sounded so despairing before_. "You're really the best," he exclaimed shortly as she took a seat at the left side of his bed and as usual I found it harder to breathe when I saw them together ever since forever.

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 **To Be Continued**

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 **Author's Notes: Thanks for reading.**


	2. Best Friend

**Disclaimer(s): K-On! rightfully belongs to Kakifly** **© Alternate Universe.**

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 **Part 2: Best Friend**

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Ritsu's POV

I always felt unworthy for both of them, even as a mere old friend. It could be I was scared that I would defile a picture so perfect – _they're absolutely a match made in heavens_. "Hey, Ritsu, can you come here for a minute?" Kai called for me and I approached him at once then stood still silently at the right side of his bed. "You're my best friend," he stated.

I eyed him curiously as he reached my right hand and Mio's left one before he placed them atop each other. "I entrust her to you," his gentle voice was heavy at the moment, painted with millions of unspoken hopes and hopelessness all together. She drew her hand in a hurry and left while I was still in my stupor – _how could I, how do I process all that?_

"It's not funny, Kai, you better quit it," I rambled through gritted teeth whereas I clenched my fists on a whim. Kai just sighed as his eyes diluted impassively while I shifted my gaze downward and frowned simultaneously at the sight of tiny red droplets, they ran from my left hand to the floor, somehow coloured it colourful. "You better let it go," he said.

"Right," I agreed once I was conscious of my apparently tightened hold on the knife I used prior to his late confession, a split second before her arrival. It was cutting down the little joints in between the phalanges of my fingers nastily but then again, I knew I could never notice it if not for the bloody eye sights – _they numbed my heart for too long, after all_.

"She's a good girl, Ritsu, but I bet you knew it too well already," he begun as he gave away a box of tissues toward me and I took it appreciatively. "When it dawned on us that it was impossible for me to walk again, she did not think twice at all to endure our engagement, even if all I did was debasing her poor judgment. She's too kind," he finished.

"She loves you and if anything, it's not from kindness," I revealed with a bitter smile at the end – I thought it hurt less overtime but it still hurt nonetheless to acknowledge my utter defeat. I did tell myself time after time that the one she fancied was him but then, this heart of mine only wanted what it beat for right from the start – the first time I saw her.

"I know you love her," Kai declared as he simply observed while I ministered to my hurt hand. I looked daggers in a second and I was about to deny when he raised his hand, silently demanded me to keep on listening instead. "Ritsu, you love her longer, even much, much more than I ever could. Act like it – it's all I ask for in my deathbed. I beg you."

"You can make it alive, Kai, it's only a matter of time. You've got to stick at it for her or else, your future together," I tried hard to suppress some sobs as I spoke and as a result, my voice came out as a low drone. I may met her first but it was truly after him that her smile seemed brilliant – I honestly thought it was impossible. He had it frequent her face so easily, it left me scars. Broken.

"I can't, Ritsu, my heart can't," he said as he pulled up his top then I widened my eyes once I took in the big scar he had outspread across his chest. "They took my blood, they ran many tests on me but I had enough. No one can stop the inevitable – my failing heart will fail me in the end," he let out a sigh before he resumed, "So love her for my sake."

I stood still as bleakness engulfed us in sheer silence before it was quickly broken by his infinite coughs. "It took me two years because I'm not ready," he confessed while I listened closely. He then sported a small appreciative smile at my tentativeness and patted my shoulder curtly. "But I'm fine now, Ritsu, now I'm giving her back to you."

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 **To Be Continued**

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 **Author's Notes: Thanks for reading.**


	3. Going Under

**Disclaimer(s): K-On! rightfully belongs to Kakifly** **© Alternate Universe.**

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 **Part 3: Going Under**

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 ** _No_**. I processed again and again the one word I rejected him with – it may sounded like a merciful lie, but it was the truth. I bit my lower lip as I briefly looked at his resting figure one more time before I finally pushed close the door behind me. "Hey," I greeted Mio as soon as I noticed her sitting down on the bench outside, sobbing every so often. "Oh, hey," she spoke softly.

"I'm sorry, Ritsu, I, I just… God, I'm such a cry-baby," Mio admitted in a low voice, probably ashamed that I found her losing it, while she wiped those seemingly bleak glazed eyes with her shirtsleeves. I felt so small spontaneously while I observed the way her lips soon curled up, simply taking shape of her sad smile – the one I always saw prior to his arrival.

"Cry all you want, I won't tell a soul. You've been hiding it for so long," I tried to comfort her as I took a seat beside her while I studied the blank wall at the same time. Later on, my heart literally stopped beating soon after I felt her head peacefully lying against my shoulder – it was rather hard to see the one you love going under. I never ever felt so helpless.

"I'm tired of everything," she admitted and I merely said nothing in response as I watched the way her long tresses fell down her face, somewhat hiding it from my peripheral vision, the evident difference in our heights did not make it any easier too. It was a bit awkward because she was relatively taller than me when I left five years ago. "I try so hard, why he can't see it?" she began.

"I stayed for two whole years, people convinced me to end it but here I am, so why? Why isn't it enough to make him see it – that I love him the same?" I bit my lower lip briefly, fighting back my own threatening tears as hers fell endlessly. I loved the thoughts of her but I would never imagined to be with her this way – _I will never ever wish it on them_. "He sees too much, I guess."

"He's perceptive, Mio, He always is and although what he said just now was harsh, I'm sure he meant well." Her cries subsided gradually as her eyes pierced mine, imploring me to keep at it and I did, "Have you ever spent your spare time alone or with some friends? Did you live one day without him on your mind, worrying about him ever since the accident?"

She looked down as I reminded her, sobbing every now and then, while I rubbed her back in circles. She tried very hard to hide every answer but I could always read her, like a book – _she's not just a chapter to me_. "You see, he needs you to be strong and independent. All I know is, he might, he's maybe scared shitless thinking you'll be lost without him if he can't–"

I did not finish my sentence, but she seemed to get the picture already as she nodded remotely, sobbing every so often. "He loves you, Mio, he only wants the best for you," I advised as we both cried, fearing to lose him so soon. After a while, she finally stood up – _stronger than ever_ – and faintly approached his room. "I'm very glad you came, Ritsu, it's been five years."

"Yeah," I shrugged while I rubbed the back of my neck – _a habit I can never outgrow every time I run out of words to say_. She seemed as if she wanted to say something but then again, she settled for a simple nod instead and I returned her gesture straightway. Mio smiled as she entered his room curtly, leaving me alone in the silent hallway. "I miss you too, Mio," I admitted sadly.

I let out a low sigh as I headed out for my car, heading to nowhere – _I, I just don't feel like stopping and if I do, I'm afraid I'll think of my first love all over again._ I hardly breathed as soon as I pulled up before my building – reality caught up fast. "Damn it, why does it have to be you? Why?" I cried loudly while I beat the steering wheel at the same time – _God, please let him live_.

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 **To Be Continued**

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 **Author's Notes: Thanks for reading.**


	4. The Stars

**Disclaimer(s): K-On! rightfully belongs to Kakifly** **© Alternate Universe.**

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 **Part 4: The Stars**

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 _One, two, three_ – I lied awake on my bed for hours and hours, as if I could forget everything at hand in doing so. _God, it should've been me_. I thought from time to time while I kept staring the plain ceiling down – the canvas I slowly painted us on. I imagined him and me, once upon a time, fought to stand beside Mio in every picture we took. She took the middle every time.

I smiled sadly as I then imagined me out of the picture and I knew nothing much would have changed – he was the centre in everything, all the more for her. It was not a bad thing at all. I could at least tag along to enjoy how her eyes lit up brightly, her _real_ smile, and although it was all for him – _I am satisfied_. She needed him more than anybody else and it was real obvious.

 _All the more reason why it should've been me in his place_ – it was all that turned up in my mind ever since last night and I went back to square one, yet again. I mused – everybody was familiar with the love story about the sun and the moon. How it died each night to let it breathe and so on. Mio really loved the story. She even had the moon tattooed at her lower neck.

I could still feel the anxiety I felt then as we went to get it done at a cheap tattoo parlour afterschool – we were teenagers once. She wanted for me the sun but I decided on the stars – _like them, I'm invisible_. They existed and died, spending a lifetime, by the moon's side though the world would often relate it to the sun it never met once. Still, she did find hers – _in him_.

 _To go so fast, so soon_ – _it should've been me_. I repeated as time passed, even now. I did not know anymore if this was simply a thought or a regret as I assumed that it could even be a prayer – the vindictive one the Gods above ignored to fulfil, to my dismay. The moment I began to fall asleep, I heard the faded echoes my doorbell did, followed by several heavy thuds.

"How could you leave me alone with them, you idiot? They were horrible!" Satoshi exclaimed furiously once he pushed open the door to my room. I rubbed my temple simultaneously – this baby brother of mine always left me with headaches. "I'm sorry, I just got back. I love my ears too much to let them bleed over their heavy rants," I told as I shrugged at the same time.

I rolled to the far right side of the bed afterwards, avoiding his intense eyes altogether. "You're still an idiot. Here!" his whiny voice alone annoyed me to death and I simply looked daggers at his dead beat face while he disposed piles of pictures on my body. "What?" He snubbed my frustrated scream as he always did while he quietly flipped some of them – all the upturned ones.

"Okay, you idiot. I'm not leaving until you choose your bride. Now, choose," he stressed happily and I swore that horrific smirk grew wider right then. I was only in my mid-twenties, but our parents kept pressuring me to marry as soon as possible. "Here, now, go." He blinked a few times once I chose one blindly and I quickly tossed it on his lap. Satoshi sighed over my ploy.

"You're really something," he stared at me as he started to get rid of the mess reluctantly, gathering them one by one. I on the other hand nosedived back on the bed while I drew the pillow and put it over my head, trying to wipe out that unwelcoming voice of his. "How's he?" I was somehow aware that that he did soften it up a bit whereas my mind fell back to cursing myself and everything.

"You might be an idiot and all, Ritsu, but it's really good to have you back," he confessed with a silly grin before his hand patted my back once and I felt really guilty upon his confession. "Tell them they suck," I claimed as I rolled on my back to finally face him properly, for the first time in years – _the last time I saw his silly face was during my graduation I guess_. "I will."

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 **To Be Continued**

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 **Author's Notes: Thanks for reading.**


	5. Business Cards

**Disclaimer(s): K-On! rightfully belongs to Kakifly** **© Alternate Universe.**

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 **Part 5: Business Cards**

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"I'll have six set A, please," I said as I looked around the small café, waiting patiently for the coffee and donuts. In time, I saw somebody I used to know on the other side of the street. "Miss?" The waitress soon called for me, with an indescribable smile tugging by the small end of her lips. I just returned it with a polite one while I proceeded to pay my order. "I bet you're new, miss."

"Yes," I replied shortly while my eyes drifted back to her back. I smiled in a bit. It was magical how I could detect her easily in a sea of people – _I even think that these eyes were made just for her_. "Thanks," I held and I rushed outside thinking I could catch up with her, but I stopped all at once. What's next? It could be awkward after what Kai forced on us. I changed my mind.

 _It's always like this_ – I thought while I backtracked to my car. I used to be a very open person. I always said what was on my mind because I hated lies but now I kept fabricating my thought, turning every truth into twisted lies so effortlessly. It started when I heard of their relationship from people I barely knew – somehow, everybody knew. I had never felt so far from her. _It hurts_.

"Ritsu?" I was miles away in thought for a while as a soothing voice softly called me – _the voice that can break my heart without a sound_. "Hey, Mio," my voice cracked a little towards the end as my mind briefly bit the dust. I tried to find a way to break down the wall we built between us but her curt gasp defeated me. "Did you just buy coffee, the coffee?" I simply laughed.

"I did," I admitted nonchalantly while I glanced at my watch. _I'm late for nine seconds already but who's counting_? "I'm really sorry for yesterday, I mean, all I thought about was him," she said as her eyes looked into mine, making me wonder if I ever crossed her mind at all in those past five years. "I didn't even ask about you, so how are you?" she asked with a weak strained voice.

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"I got my doctorate a month ago and my parents kind of forced me to take over their firms – same old same old." Mio smiled all the time I went on and on about how I got my job. Her smile faltered from time to time and I knew she started to regret she greeted me. _Why wouldn't she_? She could spend this precious day with him instead of being with me. _I'm just the other guy_.

"I'm very jealous of you, Ritsu, I only have bachelor's degree. I'm working as a florist at a small stall downtown," she admitted before she took a card out of her purse and passed it to me. The card got a nice rosy scent. "The Valentine's Day is coming soon, just so you know," she said suggestively and I laughed quietly in reply. _I don't think I'm ready to find someone new_.

"I'll keep it in mind," I confessed as I put it in my wallet, above her picture. _It's strange but it's the perk of loving someone – you kind of feel closer to your love like this_. "Here's mine, Mio, I'll want your help in some events," I admitted as I returned her gesture. I felt the long-lost rush the minute her fingers met mine. "It's funny, isn't it? We always traded books or notes or pens but seriously, business cards?"

"I feel you," she laughed along as I stacked the empty boxes of donuts and she helped to wipe our table. I bought them for me and my juniors honestly but I knew Mio all too well – _she's nuts for donuts_. "I'll pay them back!" she kept insisting although I turned down the unnecessary offer already. She was beyond upset for eating most of them – all six boxes actually. I ate just one single donut.

"I don't really like donuts after all," I sighed and I took the chance to pat Mio's head, feel her hair. I felt like I had lost her to him again as I knew – _Kai's all she thinks of right now_. He used to do this all the time. I stared into her dark, pensive grey eyes as they looked past mine. "So when is that surgery? The guy won't tell me." She was slightly taken aback at my sudden question – _fine, I'll repeat it_.

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 **To Be Continued**

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 **Author's Notes: Thanks for reading.**


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